Deconstructing Deconstruction - Part 3 - Your Body

Remember the last time you cut yourself? There was blood but after a while the bleeding stopped. You may have washed it with soap and water and put a bandage on it. What happened next? Your body healed itself and there probably isn’t even a scar. Our physical bodies are one of the greatest gifts we receive when we are born. Scientists are still uncovering the complexities contained within them. When you were a member of your former faith-based community, you probably had a confusing relationship with your body. In her book, “When Religion Hurts You”, psychologist Laura Anderson describes her relationship with her body while she was a member of a high control religious community.

“Purity culture taught me that my body was evil because of the temptation it posed to men, while fundamentalism taught me that my body was evil because I was born totally depraved. Next to my need for a savior, not trusting myself, which ultimately included vilifying my body, was a close second in the rank of important teachings. Expressing my emotions, listening to my bodily sensations, or moving my body in certain ways were met with critique and shame.”

She continues with this observation, “As I began resolving my religious trauma, I had to pay attention to my body in a new way.” Without getting specific, that means connecting with your emotions and feelings in new ways. I am making a distinction between emotions and feelings. They are sometimes used interchangeably, but most agree that they are different.  

Emotions are biological and physiological responses to stimuli. They are often automatic and unconscious, involving changes in heart rate, breathing, and hormone levels. Examples include fear, anger, joy, and sadness. 

Feelings are the conscious, subjective experiences that arise from emotions. They are how we interpret and process the physical sensations and reactions associated with emotions. For instance, the emotion of fear might be experienced as a feeling of anxiety, nervousness, or even excitement, depending on the individual and the context. 

Emotions then are generally unconsciously created by the body. Each one of us experiences different emotions throughout the course of a single day. If you grew up connected to your body, you most likely notice your emotions and process them accordingly. If, however, you grew up believing that your body was your enemy instead of your friend, you probably try as best as you can to ignore your emotions. Ignoring your emotions never works out well in the long run.

Now that you are no longer restrained in connecting with your body, you are free to process your emotions in perhaps totally new ways. Dealing with your emotions while at the same time adjusting to your new freedom can sometimes be overwhelming. Fortunately, others have gone through this, and their experiences can guide you as you open to new ways of relating to your emotions.

Feelings are our reactions to the emotions that are created by the physical body. You have the ability to consciously control your feelings. An important consideration about feelings is that they often lead to action on our part. Feelings are generally personal and subjective. Consider that following. Two young mothers are out in their backyards with a small child. Imagine yourself to be that small child. Also, image that you are living where there are both poisonous and non-poisonous snakes. The first mother was raised on a farm in North Carolina. She sees a common black snake and points out to her child that while snakes are best left alone, this one is a good snake because it eats mice and other small rodents. She knows that black snakes also eat copperheads which are venomous. Everyone goes on with their business.

The other mother in the next yard was raised in a northern city. She sees the snake and screams and grabs her child and runs into the house. She tells her child that snakes are bad. Each child has a different feeling about the same thing. That is why I say that feelings are subjective. It is also why I say that feelings can be changed. They come from a belief that was either communicated to us or experienced directly by us. We have the choice to hold onto that feeling or replace it with something new.

How do you learn to attend to your body in a new way? First and foremost, get rid of the idea that your body is in some way evil. What a preposterous notion to plant into the minds of young children. Second, connect with your emotions. We all experience life through our emotions. Third, learn to control your emotions. I don’t mean shutting them down and ignoring them. You can control even the difficult ones like sadness, loneliness, and fear. My last suggestion is to examine your feelings that arise from connecting with your emotions. Your feelings are yours. You can change how you feel about things. Give it a try and notice if it makes a difference.