Deconstructing Deconstruction

Just what is religious deconstruction? I’m sure you have an idea in your mind what you understand religious deconstruction to be. I’m also pretty sure that my understanding of religious deconstruction is different than yours. I think we can agree that deconstruction is essentially about walking away from the religious life that you used to be your normal world. But something happened that made it impossible for you to continue on the way things were. Whatever that was, it may have caused what many refer to as religious trauma. There will be a time when you will be able to heal that trauma, but maybe now is not that time.

As soon as you walk away from that old religious life, you become what might be described as a stranger in a strange land. It may almost seem to you that you have moved to a different country. The shift from a faith-based community to a secular community can seem that huge. For most individuals, the biggest change that is encountered is a loss of community. Connections to friends and even family may now be severely strained if not all together cutoff. Where do you turn to for support?

This is a potential pitfall that some individuals experience.  You may seek out communities that look new and exciting but are essentially the same as the one that you just left. They may offer friendship and support but be careful that they are not just another version (same old wine, brand new bottle) of what you just escaped. Another potential pitfall is to have the pendulum swing fully to the other side.  Atheism or agnosticism may seem like safe havens. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with either position, but when it is simply a knee jerk reaction to where you were it may not turn out to be the best solution in the long run.

Finding a new community in the secular world may take some time. In the meantime, there is work to be done. You may feel awkward settling into a secular community. This might be a good time to take a personal inventory of what you need to thrive in this new environment. The first place to start is with your relationship with yourself. How would you rate your self-love on a scale of one to ten. If it is low, then that is where your focus should be. What are the beliefs that are preventing that self-love number from being a ten? Take a moment and see if you can write down a couple of those beliefs on a piece of paper. Then write a new belief that cancels the old one. Remind yourself of these new beliefs as often as possible.

Continuing with your personal inventory. Maybe you don’t trust your own inner voice? How do you begin to trust your own gut feelings? This may be something totally new for you. You may have been told in the past that you couldn’t trust that inner voice for whatever reason. Free yourself from that limiting belief. I suggest creating a new belief about your inner voice. Here is an example. “My inner guidance supports me in achieving my goals.” Use your own words and again it helps to write the new belief down and review it on a regular basis.

In order for your inner voice to properly guide you, you first have to first establish clear objectives that you want to achieve. Use your imagination to create a clear image of your goals. It may be a new rewarding job. Perhaps it is a new house in a friendly neighborhood. Or perhaps you are looking for a new relationship. Then sit back and watch how your inner guidance helps you to achieve those goals. But you have to start trusting it.

The suggestions I have made here are helpful for the first part of your deconstruction journey. Feeling good about yourself and trusting your inner guidance are two key individual personality traits that will serve you from here on out. The journey continues and you are in control of its pace. Remember, others have made similar journeys. You can do it and there is plenty of support available to you.