Loss of Community

Humans seem to be, by and large, social beings. And as social beings, we tend to form communities. We enjoy the benefits of communities. Social communities offer numerous benefits, impacting physical and mental health, social well-being, and even professional development. They provide a sense of belonging, reduce loneliness, and offer emotional support. Additionally, they can boost self-esteem, enhance overall life satisfaction, and foster personal growth. Our religious and spiritual communities offer many of the same benefits. But what happens when we are cutoff from our religious community?

We feel a loss. The depth of that loss is often a function of how invested we were in our faith-based community. Just how important was that religious community to us? How much of our own personal identity did we associate with that community? If we defined our personal identity with that community, then the loss could be devastating. Some conservative faith-based communities go so far as to discourage participation in social communities. How does an individual go about redefining who they are after the loss of a religious community?

One way to answer that question is to seek out social communities. Social communities are often built around personal interests that people share. There are numerous fitness clubs in every city. While joining a fitness club may not lead to a new sense of community, there are programs that each club offers that consist of regularly scheduled classes. Yoga classes are particularly popular. The same can be said about culinary interests. I’m sure there are cooking classes that are convenient for anyone’s schedule.  Pick any hobby and you will likely be able to find a local social club.

Participation in a social community offers many benefits that help an individual to transition to a more secular lifestyle. Let’s start with diversity. There is a lot of discussion about diversity these days. I’m talking about diversity in the simplest of terms. Faith-based communities are often composed of individuals with very similar backgrounds and beliefs. They may even live in the same part of town, close to where they gather. When you participate in a social community there are likely to be people from all walks of life and very different socio-economic backgrounds. While this may be challenging at first, it is an excellent way to open up to new friends with different personal perspectives.

Social communities can also provide a great deal of emotional support. One of the ways that humans learn is by mirroring or copying the behavior of others. When we connect with social communities, we are likely to experience individuals who freely express their emotions. This may be totally new for someone who has spent their life suppressing their emotions. This free expression of emotion is likely met with compassion rather than judgment which hopefully leaves the emotion suppressor feeling safe about exploring their own emotions.   

You might find it helpful to have individual support in seeking out these new social communities. That is where a non-religious spiritual director can help. Having someone to support you while you explore these new communal opportunities can make all the difference.

If you have never worked with a non-religious spiritual director, how about a risk-free opportunity to explore what it is like? I offer a complimentary first session to anyone who is interested in learning more about social communities. Just send me an email expressing your interest in an exploratory session. My contact information is available on my website.